Transcripts 1

After what she over-dramatically felt was a mouse infestation, our heroine moves back to Brooklyn from boisterous St. Mark’s Place. And while always thinking of herself as a ‘Brooklyn person,’ some Manhattan-derived affectations have settled in her during the seven years as a Manhattanite. The most lasting have to do with transportation: a) She eschews the subway whenever possible (she could walk or cheaply taxi everywhere, you see), and b) her fear of requesting taxis take her to Brooklyn returns from her earlier experiences in that metropolis. When these attitudes are freshest, our heroine finds herself in an Uber minivan, returning to her tony brownstone block, laden with several parcels from Whole Foods (another shameful Manhattan habit). The following is an account of that ride.

Heroine: Hey, how are you? I need to go to Wyckoff and Hoyt in Brooklyn. The Manhattan Bridge is usually best, I think.

Uber driver (UD) with unspecified accent that betrays that E is for sure an SL: Yes, of course. Tell me where to go.

Heroine, distractedly pulling out her phone to cycle through the social media channels she reviewed only minutes ago: Great.

The van enters the grand archway of the Manhattan Bridge.

UD: Excuse me, can I ask? My English is not so great. What is… uhn-uhl?

Heroine, looking up first at UD and then the majestic lower Manhattan skyline receding behind her: I’m sorry, what?

UD: This word, uhn-uhl. What is it?

Heroine: I’m sorry, I don’t know what word you’re saying.

UD: Uhn-uhl. It is spelling A-N-A-L.

Our heroine gasps and takes note of her precarious position in a moving vehicle with a stranger on a major metropolitan thoroughfare that is also a bridge.

Heroine: Um. Uh.

UD: So, you know this word?

Heroine, staring at driver and committing his side profile/visible facial features to memory: Well, okay. Yes. But I mean, there are a couple of meanings.

UD, his tone curious and frustrated with his ignorance of the matter: Like what? What is the meaning?

Heroine, more convinced of UD’s sincerity: Well, okay. So, one meaning is, like, say if a person is just very, very neat and clean. Like, maybe even so much that it’s annoying.

UD, still confused: Okay.

Heroine, now earnestly feeling for the guy as no one likes to be in the dark: Okay, so the other meaning is. Well, it’s, well, it’s anything to do with, you know, your butt.

UD, rapidly: MY BUTT?

Heroine, placatingly: Oh, well. I mean. Anyone’s butt.

UD, mortified, laughing nervously: Oh. Wow.

Heroine: Yup.

UD, still embarrassed, still laughing nervously: I am just divorcing and now dating. This lady on Facebook, she asks me, ‘Do you like uhn-uhl?’

Heroine: Ohh. That is nice of her to ask, I guess.

The remaining 9 minutes of the car ride are spent in complete silence. Upon arriving in front of our heroine’s brownstone, UD: Uh, thank you for the, uh, information.

Heroine: Oh, yeah. Sure. Well. Hey, good luck with that lady.

end scene